ATI WE NI MCHOYO HADI HAUWEZI UPDATE STATUS FB COS IYO BUTTON IMEANDIKWA 'SHARE'

  

MASHUJAA DAY IS WAY OVERRATED!

    In light of the new constitution, several Kenyan public holidays were done away with. That made me sad. Because I remember the times when the first of every month was a public holiday for something/someone I did not quite know well. All I enjoyed were the extended weekends and the general procrastination that would follow.

ATI WEWE NI KIWETE HADI HAUWEZI KUKANYAGIA STORY!

  Mchongwano time. This made me laugh. Because I had never heard it before. And that is a crucial thing about how I like my mchongwanos...new to me. Those who do not understand this joke, do not worry. I will explain it to y'all and eventually lose the joke in translation and make this joke unfunny and utterly tasteless but you will get the message.

SIM CARD ERA.

    So everyone knows Safaricom are douche bags. But somehow we find it hard to leave them. Think of Safaricom as that abusive husband and you as the submissive wife. Who always get beaten the fuck up but cannot divorce him because he always tells you that he is better than any other man out there and there is no other option for you. So you just stick with him hoping and believing that one day he is going to change.
    A pictorial description of what I am trying to say is here below 

WANT TO GO SHOPPING IN GARISSA?

 Mimi na wasee wengine ka 7000000  wamebambika na I was alive on the 10/10/10 at 10:10 :].

kedo 39 minutes ago ·

     The date today is 10/10/10. That only happens once in like 8 Centuries, says someone famous on the internet. So we should celebrate this day harder than Obama's inauguration. I did not even bother to find out that we are one year away from the date 11/11/11. I just believed this famous person on the internet and decided to celebrate! It being a Sunday and me being lazy, I had very few celebratory ideas until my cuzo asked me to take him shopping at Garissa! Took a lot of convincing but finally I agreed. Figured it would help me give you guys a tour too.

TESTING 1 2 3

     After many days of trying, I think I have done it. You can now 'like' my posts on Facebook in such a way that your wall shows something like 

Manywele likes the post: UNIQUE-ITY on The 254 Republican.

It took a lot of my brain cells to come up with that so I hope you guys will use it. To show appreciation that is. Because I have spent a lot of seconds learning things like closing, xmlns , sijui nini, sijui nini. And I am still not confident on repeating the whole process so I hope you enjoy. As usual, be Kenyan! (sign off fail

UNIQUE-ITY

      So yesterday I needed to see a friend who studies law in Parklands School of Law UoN but I did not know how to get there. Call me geographically incorrect. I am very bad with directions. I figured that instead of asking for directions ( I am stubborn like that) I could just Google it. For some reason, The Nairobi University Parklands Campus in not on Google Maps. I asked the friend to tag me in his locating and this is what I got.

TESTING 1 2 3

     This is just a post ya kubahatisha on how to put a like button after each of and at the same time give an option to share it on Facebook. A tricky task especially for a niggaro like me who has learnt no programming language whatsoever. So I will have to like this post a lot before I actually get it right. If I ever will that is.
     So here goes spamming and annoying flooding like you have never seen before. Haha! Who am I kidding. You have seen it before

MALENGE NI TAMU by Tell Em Its Me.co.ke

        They say Hip Hop is dead and if that is true Soulja Boy is trying to kill the coffin where Hip Hop lays. Pushing the grave 13 feet under. Making the corpse rot faster. In short what I'm trying to say is he chucks whack tracks! Ako down. Amebeat. Everything about him is down. But what would you expect from a nigga who calls himself Soulja Boy Tell Em.com? (the .com is silent!!!) Or SoB for short? Of course nothing but bubblegum music, music that tastes good for two seconds but leaves you with a bitter taste in your mouth later. Crunk. It is very unfortunate that he sells so much, earning way way WAY more money than people who really matter in this world. Like surgeons. Or Esther Arunga. Or that poor bloke who invented Twitter.......

FACEBOOK WIN OF THE DAY

The best thing about Facebook is you can sometimes get  friends that come up with stuff that they didn't Google copy paste

WARU ZIMEPANDA BEI

    Among all my cravings, bhajia is the sweetest. And not just bhajia from any fast food shop and especially not from Jasho Fish and Chips. Specifically from a walalo joint in California, Eastleigh known as Califryz. The spelling might be wrong but the pronunciation is on point. And so is the food they fry. I do not know what these cushites put in them potatoes but hata kama ni kikohozi let them not stop! Which is to say the potatoes are fried the right amount of nice. Fuck Sanford or RedRobin or Caprice or Heartz or those other fancy pancy places in town. 

POINTLESS BLUBBER

     You can go ahead and skip this post. Today I have nothing good to say. I woke up vibaya and that just messed up my day.
      News that interested me today...um lets see. um. I got rained on.. no flu tho.. um, Yeah. Yu has a new call rate. 
     To call abroad using Yu is 2.49 bob. Which means that calling Obama is cheaper than calling my mom! When the CCR told me this I asked her if she has any US phone numbers she can give me so that I call to utilize this offer. Unfortunately, she did not have any with her. But between you and me, I think she was lying. Next.
     What is in fashion these few days in Kenya is liking random Facebook pages. My homepage is filled with stuff like

NEWS SHIT

     Today is one of those days that supper collides with the 9 O'Clock news. So, as I ate my deliciously prepared white shit, I took the delightful opportunity to catch up on the news. Nothing caught my attention at first, it was all politics this and politics that. I heard my university mentioned on a story that involved Nuclear power in Kenya! That is a scary thought! Do we really want to do that now? Think about it. We are greedy pigs and we will look for ways to steal the money required to build the generators. So it is a safe bet that they will blow up in future.It would be probably safe to live a safe distance from the blast radius to avoid poisonous waves or radiation or whatever.

MANYWELE GOES TO THE KINYOZI

     In accordance to a new life plan I am planning to start, my long hair had to drop. No more keeping long hair for a year like I have been doing since high school, hence the moniker Manywele. I am thinking of keeping the name however for ironical purposes. A guy called Manywele who has no hair! It will be like the way the most paid guys in Kenya (MPs) don't pay taxes. Anyway I thought of describing the days event.

HUMAN TRAFFICKING IN KENYA

     A few days ago we were shocked by the investigative reporters when they claimed that there were people that were going around stealing dead peoples dicks. At first we all like, What the fuck!? But seconds later, since Kenyans are sadistic fucks, we turned it into a joke and social networks like Facebook and Twitter were the media. No doubt some jokes were funny despite them being recycled. Some said that is how those 'Increase Your Manhood' clinics do it. Some said to watch out where you buy your mutura these days. Others even went on to make graphical representation on the same. What I , and probably some of you, was asking myself is, what is the use of a dead dick? Its not like they can transplant it or anything since they didn't know how old the cadaver is. Or did they? I was shocked to read yesterdays Daily Nation,

SAFARICOM INTERNET

   Safaricom, Ltd is a leading mobile network operator in Kenya blah blah blah

  That is how Wikipedia, the free online dictionary starts off describing Safaricom. Anyone that isnt Kenyan is obviously unaware of how Kenyans describe Safaricom. Some call them 'thieves', some 'thugs' , others 'wezi ' or just any other synonym of 'money-hungry hyneas. That is what the majority of youth call them. Majority being my 200 friends on Facebook. The same majority are still the ones that continue to make Safaricom the leading mobile network operator in Kenya. We Kenyans are very funny (read stupid). We complain and complain about the high cost, non existent offers and poor customer care but wont move to a provider that fits our needs, like Yu or Orange or Zain. We have all their sim cards but they are not always the default one. Otherwise Safcom (as we passionately call it) would not be the leading whatever.

   There are a lot of bad things I personally find about Safaricom and I cannot fit in this post. But there is one that I came across today and thought it was worth a mention. Safaricom Internet.

STEREOTYPING

This is just a post to enhance a tribal joke I heard earlier . Goes something like this. 

ati wasapere ni wezi hadi ukigoogle onyango aliiba simu itasema 'Did you mean "Kamau" aliiba simu.

I thought I how funny would it be if it were actually true. So I tried to see if it was true!! I was shocked with what I found out.

POST YA FAO

In the spirit of addiction, I got my self another blog. That is a score for addictions. So now this makes it a total of what? 6..7 oooth? I dunno , I lost count. Any way, I decided I needed a blog that is all Kenyan and just Kenyan. to celebrate the fact the fact that I did not choose do be born here but I was anyway!! Kenya rocks.
Obviously I will be talking about the down side of being Kenyan. Okay I dunno why that is obvious, its not like I am a pessimist or something! Oh wait! .......Naaaaaa. No *cough* I am not.