MANYWELE GOES TO THE KINYOZI

     In accordance to a new life plan I am planning to start, my long hair had to drop. No more keeping long hair for a year like I have been doing since high school, hence the moniker Manywele. I am thinking of keeping the name however for ironical purposes. A guy called Manywele who has no hair! It will be like the way the most paid guys in Kenya (MPs) don't pay taxes. Anyway I thought of describing the days event.



   See I live at my aunt's in Eastleigh aka Islii aka Isili aka Isich. Where men wear long white dresses and walk while holding hands. This is not a jab at muslimism. Just at gayism. But in my defence, high school made me very homophobic. So much that even the gays that were in there were homophobic! Long story short, I find it very weird when men walk while holding hands with other men. I am not saying that Muslims are the ones with this habit. Its just that this is home so its where I see it most. But if you think about it a lot, its pretty gay! right?


   Due to the exponential population increase (these Somalis are really procreating) the major amenities are had to come by. Like water. We have been having severe water problems for long and we may sometimes result to buying it. Up to 100 KenSh for a mtungi of water from hao watu wa mkokoteni! You know the water is not clean (from a sewage maybe) but nothing to do. Except making sure you don't use that water to cook. Wash clothes maybe. This constant lack of water made it hard for me to keep my year-long hair. I have to wash my hair every time I showered and this consumed a lot of water comparing to what we have so it had to be off with hair. Of course there were other reasons but that was the major.


    There is this barber shop that I am used to that is the neighbourhood so I decided to head there. I do not like trying out new stuff so I can not try any other barbershop because there are two possibilities, it could either be worse or better than the one I am used to. I figure the pessimistic choice was a safer bet! On the way, I couldn't help but wish that I had worn slippers. The road was very dusty and since it was end month the sewage had burst. When the sewage is at its most there is a water shortage! Coincidence? I am working on a conspiracy, will post it later.


    I find a queue and had to wait on a bench outside. I sat there enjoying the view. Dust had filled the air so my view wasn't very clear but I could see Mama Mboga preparing lunch in the open for her customers. Albeit sweet, her ugali is always brown. I dunno why. Haha. Next to her was a butchery. In the evening the butcher would start selling mutura also in the open air. The dust sticks on it so much until it dries up but goddamn its sweet. I made a mental note to come for some in the evening. I then started scouting for hot chicks but that too was not fun . Being in Isili you will find that most residents are Muslim so that means looooong black buibuis, masked faces and covered hair. Leaving only the eyes,which don't do it for me anymore.


    I asked for the day's paper since there was nothing that was making me happy as I waited. I had no phone or music player so I could not listen to music as I waited. So I grab the paper and the headlines:

. Wow that sure as hell made me even unhappier! MPs not in the mood of paying tax.!They still don't see themselves paying tax despite their ridiculously high salaries! I stopped reading that story and opened page two. Even more depressing! i read that the CEO of Safaricom, which I really hate for its vulturistic high prices, earns over 300 million KenSh annually! What the fuck! Before I could move to another, probably sad, news it was my turn at the chair.


    Since I don't like surprises, I asked the barber how much he would charge me despite the fact that I knew it was 30 bob! Lo and behold, it was not. 50 bob, he said! When did they raise the price? Anyway, I decided that this, unlike the MP shit, was some injustice I could deal with so I turned to the classic

Bei yako ya mwisho?

      Yes I bargained. 20 shillings extra was beyond what I was willing to spend on losing something I liked. He let it go as long as he wouldn't wash my head afterwards! When did they start washing heads after shaving? I swear I am the most uninformed (read ignorant) nigga in this 254 republic.


       I have a fear of looking at myself at the mirror so I was very uncomfortable in that room. Mirrors everywhere. I had to look at myself and shit! Brrrrrrr!


     No sooner had he gotten the left side of my head started started than the lights disappered. Every one screamed curse words at K(enya)P(ower &) L(ighting) C(ompany) at the same time out of reflex! It worked, they came back almost immediately! I was glad. Did not want to go home with a retarded looking mohawk like sometime back when KPLC did that for longer than necesary.


  Anyway, I told him to reduce it kabisa. He did and asked if he should give me a cut. You know what a cut is right.? Where he streamlines the edges of the hair or what ever you want to call it. He had to ask because I am probably the only customer of his that doesn't wekwa cut. This was because of my phobia of balding. They (who?) say that a cut would increase my chances of me being bald. Ati because if you get it regularly, that part will lose hair and next time the kinyozi would cut you a little further in  and this will eventually lead to a kipara on the forehead. I knew this was not a valid fact! Its all genetics or whatever. But see, my dad had a kipara and I know I am getting one too so why not prolong the process as much as possible?


    But today, fuck that crazy retarded rumor so I got one!

weka cut lakini si nyuma

    Cos that would just make look like confused negro. I regretted that decision as soon as he finished with the cut. It was not symmetrical. Shit! Was it because I wasn't paying full price or was this mirror playing tricks on me? I paid the man, chini ya maji so that the other customers don't realise that they could get shaved at a cheaper price. I walked out an the breeze and the spirit on my head make me feel a chill. I passed by a shop to feed my addiction of crisps that I am currently nurturing. Spent the 20 bob I had just saved. Then tiptoed my way back to the house, in order not to step on the shit that was all over the road!


   Of course the first one to make fun of my clear head was my sister but I didn't mind. I am expecting many more cracks at me in near future!