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Mimi na wasee wengine ka 7000000 wamebambika na I was alive on the 10/10/10 at 10:10 :].
The date today is 10/10/10. That only happens once in like 8 Centuries, says someone famous on the internet. So we should celebrate this day harder than Obama's inauguration. I did not even bother to find out that we are one year away from the date 11/11/11. I just believed this famous person on the internet and decided to celebrate! It being a Sunday and me being lazy, I had very few celebratory ideas until my cuzo asked me to take him shopping at Garissa! Took a lot of convincing but finally I agreed. Figured it would help me give you guys a tour too.
Garissa Eastleigh. That is the headquater of Somalis worldwide. Kenyan- Somali , Somalia -Somali, Somali pirates, Osama....
All of them here. On like an hectare of land. All 2 million of them crammed up on that space. They converted this place over time to look like the original homeland! This place is dusty as hell! Or like the dry North Eastern. It can rain over night but 1 hour after it stops, you are choking in dust. Its like these Somalis carried even the sand from Lodwar to here.
The sewage system has caved in due to the super increase in number. Sewage pumps burst like like Chrismas balloons every so often. You might consider yourself like if a manhole blows up near you and does not spray shit on you, but then a speeding matatu namba 9 will come splash everything on you. And that, my friend, is not a good way to start your morning! Trust me I know. The sewage floods the roads and corrodes them leaving potholes the size of Toyota Vitzs. Makes you wonder what foods this cushites eat to produce shit that corrodes tarmac. That is CUSHIT for you.
Something else them Somalis have brought to Eastleigh, apart from refuges and pirated stuff of course, is buildings. They erect storeyed building anywhere anytime. And they are put up very fast. You can watch these building grow if you stand there long enough. There is this Amaco Shopping Mall, I left them doing the 1st floor when I went to town, then came back to find them already building the 4th floor. True story.
So anyway, a trip to Garissa is a very adventurous trip for someone who is new there. You have to treat the area like a deserted land mine field. Making calculated steps because a misstep can land you in deep shit. If you are driving to Garissa then make sure its in a huge tough car because we have seen the Vitz toys dissappering in intentionally-opened manholes. You will be stuck there, seeping in waste as 'passerbys' ask you how much you are willing to pay them to get you out of the shituation.
If you are walking, and this is what I would recommend, be careful of how you walk. Take care not to step on anything that is not dry. Dont assume that puddle of 'water' that looks like an inch deep is an inch deep. Be careful of matatus that use foot paths because they do not want to use the pot holed roads. Before crossing even a oneway lane, be sure to look right, then left, then behind you, then right again, then behind you , then left . Then cross the road, while still looking everywhere randomly. These namba 9s and 4s pop up from fucking nowhere and stop right in your face with their annoying parariraz.
So once you are in First Avenue, you have now to start to put humans in the equations. Deal with bad roads, badly driven matatu, smell of sewage, and now a lot of people filling the streets and noise! Everyone is screaming. Gikomba people have moved here I tell you.
Beba na fifty!
Mia , mbili!or
Mia mbili!Yes there is a difference.
After a while , when you become accoustomed, it will all sound like white noise. Look forward to that Avoid buying from the streets however. If its 80 bob in the streets, its probably 50 bob in that new stall that has just gotten finished 12 minutes ago.
The first floor is a continuation of unheard of, but weirdly popular clothes. Cheap. Again not my taste. Not because of the fake ass quality but because of the attitude of the Somali sellers. The are so rude and I never really bother with them. You can go to one and ask about a clothing and he will just look at you. And give you a look to tell you that you cannot afford it. I hate that. That and the fact that they cannot speak neither English nor Kiswahili. If you are going to do a business here, learn at least one of the languages you ungrateful refugees.
Second floor is the place to be. Authentic wear. No ignorant Somali. I find the best clothes from the Ethiopians and Sudanese. Their shit is just the bomb. And their price is going to blow your mind. Pricey.
Third floor is just blank space. Claimed to be still under construction but everyone knows that is where the pirates come hide the loot and where refugees sleep. In some complexes, they claim that there are lodges but I would not risk spending a night there because it looks like the places where unalala alafu unashtukia umekufa. Them fuckers have gone and harvested all your organs.
So there you have it. A guide to the rapidly growing Eastlando super mega structures. Pay them a visit and see if it is anything close to what I just described and if you have ever been there please refute or share your experiences.
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