WARU ZIMEPANDA BEI

    Among all my cravings, bhajia is the sweetest. And not just bhajia from any fast food shop and especially not from Jasho Fish and Chips. Specifically from a walalo joint in California, Eastleigh known as Califryz. The spelling might be wrong but the pronunciation is on point. And so is the food they fry. I do not know what these cushites put in them potatoes but hata kama ni kikohozi let them not stop! Which is to say the potatoes are fried the right amount of nice. Fuck Sanford or RedRobin or Caprice or Heartz or those other fancy pancy places in town. 

    They are golden brown and look like they were cut with an artist. Perfect circle disks.! They are mafutaless even if they were removed from the frying pan a second ago. These guys redefine the term kukausha! Before them, I could go to buy chiken from KenChic and be told,

ngoja kidogo niikaushe

    Then the chef goes on to dip the peice of chicken in the pan for a while then bringing back, greasier than a maafaka! I never got the logic behind it. Dipping chiken in cooking oil in order to dry it!? Are you sure?
    But then I was introduced to Califryz. Kumbe the KenChic people were doing it all wrong! Bhajia actually dries up when dipped in the oil by these walalos. Magic right there .

I couldn't how exactly they look on Google so just imagine these only ten times better than perfect

      I have been burning my money there everyday while on holiday except this holiday. I am just living on the coke broke side of life this holz. But today, I managed to give birth to a whopping 50 bob! I felt like I had had multiple orgasms! Kupata chwani extra time ya lunch nikiwa home!!!! I went straight to my joint! Only to receive bad news. 
     No, It was not closed because muslims were not still fasting! It was worse than that. They had raised the MFing price. It was as if I was the one keeping the place running, with my daily buying. Now that  I had stopped going there, they were almost going bankrupt! I tried bargaining (Bei yako ya mwisho?) but it didnt work! They could not get rid of the extra 10 bob!
    I stood there like an idiot and the best I could do is ask retarded questions 

bhajia si 50 bob?

apana ni shilingi sitini. chips ndio hamsini

Crap! hadi chipo imepanda

mbona imepanda ivo?

viazi vimekuwa ghali sana.

Ati?

Waru zimepanda bei